Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Your day is incomplete without talking to the person you love. You can’t imagine a day without them. Just when you start dreaming of a future with your favourite person and discuss your future goals together, something changes drastically.

The relationship moves beyond attraction and excitement. Conversations become deeper and expectations begin to emerge. You may meet each other’s families, make plans together or simply become more emotionally invested. And, strangely enough, this is often when one person begins to retreat.

Calls become less frequent. Replies take longer. Plans are postponed. The warmth that once came effortlessly now feels strangely measured.

So, what is happening exactly?

If you are also wondering why do people pull away just when the relationship gets serious, then this article might be interesting for you. Let’s read what eminent marriage counsellor, in Delhi,  Shivani Misri Sadhoo has to say about this.

How do you know that your partner is pulling away?

Some of the signs that may include some or all the below given points:

1. Less communication: Yes, this is perhaps one of the tell-tale signs of someone pulling away from a relationship. They avoid long conversations, especially the ones that talk about future goals and aspirations.

2. Avoid calls/ messages: Your partner has suddenly started avoiding your calls or maybe responding late for your messages. Another sign that they are clearly ignoring any kind of interaction at the moment.

3. Lack of Intimacy: You are being ‘stonewalled’ every now and then. The person who once eagerly shared their thoughts, feelings and everyday experiences with you is suddenly becoming distant. There is an emotional distance between the two of you. This could be a subtle sign of the partner trying to pull away fearing that the relationship is taking a serious turn.

4. Sudden Irritation: The person who always used to listen to you calmly gets irritated or angry nowadays.

These are just some of the signs that one can notice when a person tries to pull away from a relationship.

“Sometimes people pull away not because they stop loving, but because commitment awakens fears they have not yet learned to face.” Opines Gottman Certified Couples Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What are the reasons of pulling away from a relationship when it starts getting serious?

Some of the reasons are:

1. Fear Of Commitment

 One of the biggest reasons why many people pull away the moment a relationship starts getting serious is fear of commitment. When you are dating things often feel light and casual. You enjoy each other’s company without necessarily having to think too far ahead. You take each day as it comes without worrying about tomorrow. But as the relationship deepens, the equation begins to change.

Suddenly, future goals become important. Expectations grow and one starts discussing about family responsibilities. For some, this can feel a bit too much to handle. They start feeling nervous. Instead of confronting those fears, they may choose to retreat or pull away from the relationship.

2. Past Trauma/ Past Negative Experience

Past trauma or a painful relationship in the past can quietly shape how someone responds when a new relationship begins to feel serious. If they have once been betrayed, abandoned, controlled or deeply hurt, commitment may trigger those old fears all over again. They do not want to experience the same unhappiness and hence prefer to pull away from the relationship when it gets serious.

3. Fear Of Losing Freedom

Yet another reason people pull away when a relationship becomes serious is the fear of losing their independence. The very thought of sharing every little part of life, be it their room, same routines, even being seen in pyjamas with dishevelled hair can feel strangely uncomfortable.

They don’t feel at ease. Although it does not necessarily mean that there is no love in the relationship anymore, but it’s just that they may fear losing the freedom and private space they have grown accustomed to. And when commitment begins to feel like a surrender of that independence, they instinctively retreat, seeking distance before they feel they have lost themselves.

4. Lack Of Emotional Presence

Not every withdrawal means someone has stopped caring. Sometimes, it could be a busy schedule, family troubles, poor health or a personal crisis or poor health condition that may be responsible for this unintentional distance between the partners. Psychologists call it Situational Emotional Unavailability, and with time, understanding and support, it can often pass.

Chronic Emotional Unavailability, however, is different. It is a recurring pattern: whenever emotional intimacy deepens, the person instinctively creates distance. They may feel deeply, but have learnt to protect themselves by keeping those feelings safely out of reach. And this is exactly when relationships become complex. One partner seeks greater proximity, while the emotionally unavailable partner feels overwhelmed and pulls away.

5. Afraid Of Being Rejected

Nobody would want to suffer from the pain of being rejected by someone they deeply love. For some, that fear becomes so powerful that they would rather pull away than risk being hurt. It’s like saying ‘goodbye’ first before the other person says it. They don’t want to be tagged as a loser. But, the saddest part is that they are still in love, yet they prefer to save themselves from being hurt.

Thus, it is evident from this article that people sometimes pull away from relationships for various reasons. This could be fear of commitment, past trauma, fear of losing one’s independence, emotional unavailability or fear of rejection. Sometimes stepping back doesn’t mean love has disappeared.

It simply means that a person might be struggling with their own fears. Let’s not misunderstand these people always. But if someone chooses to pull away simply because the love is no longer there, it is better to be honest than to leave the other person confused, waiting and wondering what went wrong.

When you start dating someone, it’s only natural to be drawn to qualities that make your heart skip a beat, such as kindness and generosity, a good sense of humour, caring and compassion, and intelligence, to name a few. But you really do not bother so much, as you know that probably your current date may not be your life partner.

Since the future of such a relationship remains uncertain, many people tend to overlook habits, values, or personality traits that may seem insignificant in the excitement of new love. Marriage, however, is a different ball game. It is not about fleeting attraction or romantic highs. It is about choosing someone with whom you will live forever.

Someone who will stand beside you through celebrations, disappointments, setbacks, and milestones. The questions you keep thinking about become more relevant. Is this the right person for me? Do we have things in common? Will we evolve together instead of drifting apart? There are just a few of the many questions that begin to occupy our minds before taking the plunge.

“Marriage material isn’t defined by perfect romance, but by trust, emotional maturity, shared values, and the willingness to choose each other every single day.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor and Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

What makes a guy or girl suitable for marriage?

If you are still wondering what makes someone perfect for marriage, then read what Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent couples therapist and marriage counsellor for Indian couples.

1. Are You Comfortable Around the Person?

This is perhaps one of the questions that we keep thinking about when we are about to marry someone. Do you genuinely feel comfortable with this person? The person you choose to marry should be someone with whom you never have to perform, explain yourself constantly, or worry about saying the wrong thing. You should be able to laugh freely, sit together in comfortable silence, have honest conversations without fear of being judged, and simply be yourself.

While grand romantic gestures make for beautiful moments, they don’t sustain a marriage; comfort does. You should be able to make happy memories with that person rather than feeling emotionally exhausted. When your prospective life partner accepts the way you are and does not try to change you, you feel respected and valued. This is an incredible feeling in a relationship.

2. Trust Matters

Another important factor that determines whether someone is truly marriage material is ‘trust’. Without it, even the strongest attraction begins to lose its meaning. Trust is the quiet confidence that your partner will stand by you, keep their word, and remain honest even when life becomes difficult. You know that you can rely on your partner and share the deepest secrets with them without thinking twice.

It means not having to second-guess their intentions or constantly seek reassurance. A marriage built on trust allows two people to feel secure, vulnerable, and completely themselves, knowing they are safe in each other’s hands.

3. Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity is one of those indispensable qualities to look for in a life partner because marriage demands far more than love: it demands understanding, restraint, and grace. A mature person neither suppresses emotions nor allows them to dictate every reaction.

Such individuals possess the rare ability to empathise, communicate, and grow alongside another person. In the long journey of marriage, this quiet steadiness often proves far more enduring than charm or chemistry.

4. Patience Matters

Patience is perhaps the most underrated virtue in the pursuit of marriage. In a world intoxicated by instant gratification, the temptation to settle for immediate chemistry often eclipses the wisdom of waiting. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime.

Patience allows infatuation to yield to insight, revealing character beneath charm, consistency beneath promises, and resilience beneath perfection. The right person is rarely discovered in haste; they are recognised through discernment and quiet observation.

5. Aligned Life Goals

Marriage is not merely the union of two hearts: it is the convergence of two journeys. Love may ignite the spark, but shared aspirations keep the flame alive. So, before saying ‘yes’ to your prospective life partner, it is worth asking whether your ambitions complement each other.

Do you envision a similar future, support one another’s dreams, and find purpose in the same milestones? When two people move in the same direction, they are not just building a marriage; they are creating a life with intention, resilience, and meaning.

6. Conflict Resolution

When you are choosing a life partner, conflict resolution is a trait that is very important. Do not ignore it. Affection may bring two people together, but it is wisdom under pressure that determines whether they stay together. Every marriage will encounter disagreements, unexpected crises, and difficult decisions. The real question is not whether conflict will arise, but whether your partner can handle it with maturity, empathy, and sound judgment.

One needs to remain calm and composed when tackling such difficult situations. The person who can settle matters amicably without getting agitated or angry, and takes the right decisions at the right time, is far more likely to build a marriage that endures than someone who simply excels at romance.

A marriage is less about finding the perfect person and more about choosing someone whose values, character, and commitment align with yours. Love may begin a relationship, but trust, emotional maturity, patience, shared goals, and mutual respect help it to endure. These qualities create the foundation for a partnership that can truly stand the test of time.

Dating trends continue to evolve with the rise of social media and dating apps, bringing new relationship behaviors into the spotlight. One term that has recently resurfaced is paperclipping, a pattern where someone who once disappeared from your life suddenly reaches out again with little or no explanation.

While the message may seem harmless, paperclipping can stir old emotions, create confusion, and prevent people from moving forward. Understanding this behavior can help you recognize unhealthy relationship patterns and protect your emotional well-being shares Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is an eminent marriage counselor, relationship expert in Delhi.

Why Do People Return After Ghosting Without Real Intentions?

Paperclipping happens when someone who previously ghosted or ended communication unexpectedly reconnects through a text, social media reaction, or casual conversation. In many cases, the person is not looking to rebuild the relationship or offer a sincere apology.

Instead, they may be seeking attention, validation, or simply checking whether they still have a place in your life. This behavior can create false hope because it often lacks genuine commitment or accountability. While every situation is different, consistently returning without meaningful effort is a sign of an unhealthy communication pattern.

“A genuine connection doesn’t disappear without explanation and return only when it’s convenient. Consistency, honesty, and respect are what truly define a healthy relationship.” Says couples counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The Origin of the Term

The name paperclipping comes from Clippy, the animated paperclip assistant once featured in Microsoft Office. Just as Clippy would unexpectedly pop up on a computer screen, a paperclipper suddenly reappears after a long period of silence, often acting as if nothing happened.

How Paperclipping Affects Emotional Well-Being

When someone unexpectedly returns after disappearing, it can reopen emotional wounds that had already begun to heal. The sudden contact may create uncertainty, encourage overthinking, and make it harder to move on. People often find themselves questioning the other person’s motives or wondering whether the relationship deserves another chance.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Paperclipping

Paperclipping usually begins with a casual message after weeks or months of no contact. The person may avoid discussing why they disappeared, show inconsistent interest, and disappear again once they receive attention. They rarely make meaningful efforts to rebuild trust or establish a healthy relationship.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Not every person who reconnects has bad intentions, but actions matter more than words. A sincere attempt to reconnect includes honesty, accountability, and consistent effort. If someone repeatedly enters and exits your life without addressing the past, setting clear boundaries can help protect your emotional health and prevent the cycle from repeating.

Paperclipping is a reminder that not every return deserves a second chance. While reconnecting with someone can sometimes lead to a healthy relationship, genuine intentions are shown through accountability, consistency, and respect. Recognizing the signs of paperclipping can help you make informed decisions, maintain healthy boundaries, and prioritize relationships that offer stability rather than uncertainty.

Modern dating has introduced a growing list of relationship trends, from ghosting and breadcrumbing to love bombing and orbiting. Among these emerging terms is Banksying, a subtle yet emotionally confusing behaviour that has gained attention on social media and in relationship discussions.

Named after the anonymous street artist Banksy, who is known for creating artwork and disappearing without warning, Banksying describes a situation where someone appears deeply invested in a relationship, only to vanish without explanation.

Unlike ordinary breakups, Banksying often leaves the other person shocked because everything seemed to be going well until the unexpected disappearance. Understanding this trend can help individuals recognise unhealthy relationship patterns and respond in healthier ways, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent marriage counsellor in Delhi and India.

What Is Banksying in Relationships?

Banksying refers to ending a relationship or disappearing from someone’s life without any warning, despite previously showing affection, commitment, and genuine interest. The relationship may appear stable, communication may seem normal, and future plans may even have been discussed. Then, without explanation, one partner suddenly cuts off contact or ends the relationship.

This behaviour differs from traditional ghosting because there are usually no obvious warning signs beforehand. The sudden shift leaves the other partner searching for answers, questioning what went wrong, and often blaming themselves for something they may not have done.

“Closure may not erase heartbreak, but honesty always hurts less than unanswered silence.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Why Do People Engage in Banksying?

People may resort to Banksying for various emotional and psychological reasons. Some individuals struggle with confrontation and prefer avoiding uncomfortable conversations rather than openly discussing their feelings. Others may fear emotional vulnerability or simply lack the maturity to communicate honestly when their feelings change.

In some cases, unrealistic expectations about relationships or the constant availability of new dating opportunities through apps can make people more likely to leave without providing closure. While the reasons vary, the outcome often creates unnecessary emotional pain for the person left behind.

The Emotional Impact on the Other Partner

Banksying can be particularly distressing because it removes the opportunity for closure. When a relationship appears healthy one day and ends abruptly the next, the affected person is often left replaying conversations, searching for mistakes, and wondering what caused the sudden change.

This uncertainty may lead to anxiety, self-doubt, sadness, and difficulty trusting future partners. Without clear communication, many people create their own explanations, which are often far more damaging than the reality itself.

Recognising the Warning Signs

Although Banksying is known for its sudden nature, some subtle changes may appear beforehand. A partner may become emotionally distant, avoid meaningful conversations, reduce future planning, or gradually become less available despite maintaining a pleasant attitude.

These changes do not always indicate Banksying, but consistent emotional withdrawal combined with avoidance of important discussions can suggest that something has changed within the relationship.

Building Relationships Through Honest Communication

Healthy relationships rely on openness, respect, and emotional honesty. Even when feelings change, discussing concerns openly allows both partners to understand the situation and move forward with dignity.

Honest communication may be uncomfortable, but it prevents unnecessary confusion and emotional harm. Expressing thoughts clearly, listening respectfully, and ending relationships with compassion demonstrate emotional maturity and strengthen trust in future relationships.

Moving Forward After Experiencing Banksying

Being unexpectedly abandoned can feel deeply personal, but it is important to remember that another person’s inability to communicate honestly does not define your worth. Healing begins by accepting that not every question will receive an answer.

Focusing on supportive relationships, practising self-care, rebuilding confidence, and allowing time for emotional recovery can help individuals move forward. Many people emerge from such experiences with greater emotional awareness and a clearer understanding of the qualities they value in future partners.

Creating Healthier Dating Experiences

As dating trends continue to evolve, emotional responsibility remains timeless. Whether a relationship lasts a few weeks or many years, treating others with honesty, empathy, and respect creates healthier connections for everyone involved.

Ending a relationship respectfully may not eliminate pain, but it offers something equally valuable—closure. In an age where disappearing has become easier than communicating, choosing honesty remains one of the strongest signs of emotional maturity

Marriage is built on companionship, trust, communication, and shared experiences. While living together allows couples to nurture these aspects naturally, modern careers, education, military service, and family responsibilities often require spouses to live in different cities or even different countries. Long-distance marriages can be emotionally challenging, but distance alone does not determine the success or failure of a relationship.

What truly matters is how couples adapt to the separation, maintain emotional intimacy, and work together toward a common future. With commitment and the right approach, many long-distance marriages not only survive but also thrive, shares Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of the most experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi.

Can a Long-Distance Marriage Truly Succeed?

Yes, a long-distance marriage can succeed, provided both partners are equally committed to making the relationship work. Physical distance may limit everyday interactions, but it does not have to weaken emotional connection. Couples who communicate openly, trust each other, and remain transparent about their lives are often able to build a strong foundation despite the miles between them.

Success in a long-distance marriage depends less on geography and more on the willingness of both partners to invest time, effort, and emotional energy into the relationship. Having a shared vision for eventually living together also gives couples hope and direction during periods of separation.

“Distance measures miles, not the strength of a marriage. Commitment is what truly keeps two hearts together.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Communication Becomes the Foundation

In any marriage, communication is essential, but in a long-distance relationship, it becomes the primary way partners stay emotionally connected. Regular conversations about daily experiences, plans, personal challenges, and feelings help bridge the physical gap.

Quality matters more than quantity. Meaningful conversations create emotional closeness, while honest discussions about expectations and concerns reduce misunderstandings. Active listening and expressing appreciation for one another also strengthen the relationship over time.

Trust Strengthens Emotional Security

Trust is the pillar that supports every successful long-distance marriage. Without it, even minor delays in communication or changes in routine can create unnecessary anxiety and conflict.

Building trust requires honesty, consistency, and reliability. Keeping promises, being transparent about daily activities, and respecting each other’s independence foster emotional security. When both partners feel trusted and valued, distance becomes much easier to manage.

Managing Loneliness and Emotional Challenges

Periods of loneliness are natural in long-distance marriages. Missing celebrations, family gatherings, or simple everyday moments can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or frustration.

Acknowledging these emotions instead of ignoring them helps couples cope more effectively. Supporting each other emotionally, planning virtual activities together, and maintaining personal hobbies and friendships can reduce the psychological impact of prolonged separation.

Setting Shared Goals for the Future

One of the biggest reasons long-distance marriages struggle is uncertainty about when the separation will end. Couples who have a clear plan for eventually living together often find it easier to stay motivated during difficult periods.

Discussing career decisions, financial planning, family goals, and relocation timelines gives both partners a sense of purpose. Even if plans need to change, working toward a common future reinforces the feeling that the distance is temporary rather than permanent.

Keeping Romance Alive Across the Distance

Romance does not disappear simply because couples live apart. Small gestures such as surprise messages, handwritten letters, thoughtful gifts, virtual dinner dates, and celebrating milestones together online help maintain emotional intimacy.

Making time for each other despite busy schedules demonstrates commitment and reminds both partners that the relationship remains a priority. These consistent efforts help preserve affection and emotional closeness.

Recognising When Professional Support Can Help

Every marriage faces challenges, and long-distance relationships are no exception. If communication repeatedly breaks down, trust issues become overwhelming, or unresolved conflicts continue to grow, seeking help from a marriage counsellor can be beneficial.

Counselling provides couples with practical strategies for improving communication, managing conflict, and strengthening emotional connection. Seeking support early often prevents small problems from becoming long-term relationship difficulties.

Building a Marriage That Goes Beyond Distance

Distance tests a marriage, but it can also strengthen it. Couples who successfully navigate long-distance relationships often develop exceptional communication skills, deeper trust, and greater appreciation for the time they spend together.

Ultimately, a successful marriage is measured not by physical proximity but by the emotional bond between two people. When love is supported by mutual respect, patience, and commitment, even thousands of miles cannot define the future of a relationship.

What do you think is the most important ingredient of a happy relationship? Today, when we read about painful breakups and heartbreaking divorces, we often wonder whether love is the only glue that holds two people together. Is romance the single force that keeps a relationship alive?

According to many therapists and relationship researchers, several couples live a happy life even when the passionate romance of their younger years no longer occupies centre stage. The butterflies may become less frequent, the grand gestures fewer, and the stolen moments of courtship may quietly surrender to grocery lists, parent-teacher meets, family obligations, and mounting responsibilities. Yet, amid all the hustle and bustle, many relationships not only endure but flourish.

This is perhaps because we have always thought that love and romance are the key factors for a happy relationship. Life does not always resemble the final scenes of a romantic film. In fact, life begins where the movie ends. We do not hesitate to celebrate dramatic proposals, candlelit dinners, surprise holidays, and extravagant declarations of affection. Rarely do we celebrate the husband who patiently waits outside the chemotherapy ward or the wife who instinctively remembers every medication her partner needs without ever being asked.

Marriage counsellors often talk about two different kinds of love that shape a relationship over time.

• The first one is passionate love. It is the kind that sweeps you off your feet. It is filled with excitement, longing, butterflies in the stomach, and the thrill of discovering someone new. It makes every conversation feel special and every meeting something to look forward to.

• The second one is Companionate love, a quieter but no less meaningful form of love. It does not arrive with fireworks. Instead, it grows slowly through years of shared experiences, unwavering trust, mutual respect, and the comfort of knowing that someone will stand beside you through life’s highs and lows. It is the kind of love that remains when the excitement of the early years naturally gives way to the rhythms of everyday life.

While passionate love may bring two people together, companionate love is often what helps them stay together. It is this quiet, enduring bond that carries couples through changing careers, financial challenges, raising children, caring for ageing parents, illness, and all the unexpected twists that life inevitably brings.

Is Romantic Love Enough to Keep a Relationship Happy?

Romantic love is often seen as the foundation of a successful relationship, but therapists believe it is only one part of a much bigger picture. While the excitement, passion, and emotional intensity of the early years can strengthen the bond between two people, these feelings naturally evolve.

As couples navigate careers, family responsibilities, financial commitments, and life’s unexpected challenges, the relationship begins to rely on qualities that go beyond romance. Emotional security, mutual trust, respect, companionship, and the ability to support one another through changing circumstances often become the true pillars of a lasting partnership.

Rather than asking whether romance fades, a more meaningful question is whether the relationship continues to provide comfort, understanding, and a sense of belonging. According to marriage therapists, these enduring qualities are what help many couples remain genuinely happy even when romantic gestures become less frequent.

Let’s find out from eminent couples and marriage counsellor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, if Couples Can Be Happy Without Romantic Love.

1. Friendship Is Important

Friendship is often the quiet strength that keeps a relationship happy. When couples are friends first, they try to get to know each other in a comfortable space and can talk freely about anything and everything. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Romantic love may fade over the years. But friendship has a way of growing deeper. It brings comfort, understanding, and a sense of home, making a relationship happier and far more enduring.

2. Safety and Security Matters

Love is not the sole reason for happiness in a relationship. When couples feel safe with each other, the relationship automatically grows stronger. One does not need to hide their feelings, or pretend to be someone they are not, or worry that every disagreement will turn into a fight. Simple moments like sharing a meal, asking about how the day went, or ending the day with a walk in the park help build that sense of safety. Over time, it is this feeling of being accepted and understood that keeps a relationship strong.

3. Mutual Trust and Respect

A relationship does not last only because of love. Something that keeps it strong and survives life’s ups and downs is the trust and confidence two people have in each other. When there is trust, there is no constant doubt or insecurity. And when there is respect, both partners feel heard, valued, and accepted for who they are. Even when romance fades with time or disagreements arise, trust and respect create a sense of emotional safety that helps couples stay connected, solve problems together, and build a happy life side by side.

4. Sweet memories

 Yes, those sweet memories that a couple creates over the years often become the heart of their relationship. They may smile while remembering their first holiday together, laugh over a silly mistake, or cherish moments spent raising children, celebrating milestones, or simply sharing everyday life. These memories remind them of the journey they have travelled side by side. When romantic feelings are less intense, looking back on these moments rekindles warmth, gratitude, and companionship. Sometimes, it is these treasured memories, more than love itself, that keep a relationship happy and enduring.

5. A Good Company

Some of the happiest couples will tell you that what keeps a relationship alive isn’t grand declarations of love but genuinely enjoying each other’s company. When two people laugh together, talk without effort, share everyday moments, and feel comfortable simply being themselves, they create a friendship that carries them through life’s ups and downs. Love may bring two people together, but good companionship gives them a reason to stay. It makes ordinary days meaningful, reduces loneliness, and helps a relationship remain warm, steady, and fulfilling even when romance naturally becomes less intense.

A happy relationship is rarely built on romance alone. While passionate love may change with time, friendship, trust, emotional safety, mutual respect, shared memories, and simply enjoying each other’s company often become the real pillars of a lasting bond. Love may light the spark, but it is these everyday connections that help couples build a relationship that feels secure, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling.

“Romance may bring two people together, but trust, friendship, emotional safety, and companionship are what help them build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.” — Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

“I don’t know why, but I simply felt comfortable talking to you.”

This must be a familiar sentence for many people, right after a first or second date. Sometimes, it feels flattering. After all, emotional openness is the foundation of a healthy relationship. While some people are naturally guarded and prefer not to reveal too much about themselves in the early stages of dating, others are complete open books. Before they even realise it, they have shared intimate details about childhood trauma, painful breakups, family conflicts, financial struggles, or other personal information with someone they barely know.

This behaviour of disclosing too much, too soon has a name in today’s dating world. It is called Floodlighting. It seems there is no end to the ever-growing dictionary of modern dating terms. From ghosting and situationship to love bombing and orbiting, new terms continue to emerge as relationships evolve in the digital era.

Eminent relationship and couples counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about Floodlighting, the new relationship trend that is trending nowadays.

What does the term “floodlighting” mean?

In the early stages of dating, opening up to someone is a natural part of building a connection. But, when a person starts revealing intensely personal experiences, emotional wounds, or other extremely private details long before trust has had a chance to develop, it is called Floodlighting.

While it may appear to be an act of honesty or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need to fast-track emotional proximity or seek reassurance. Ironically, this kind of premature oversharing can create the opposite effect.

Instead of strengthening the bond, it can overwhelm the other person and become a way of keeping genuine intimacy at arm’s length. In many cases, floodlighting is less about being truly emotionally open and more about using vulnerability as a shield before a relationship has had the time to grow naturally.

“Floodlighting may create the feeling of instant closeness, but genuine intimacy is built through trust, not premature vulnerability.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi.

Tell-tale Signs of Floodlighting

1. Sharing Too Much

One of the telltale signs of floodlighting is oversharing. They do not hesitate to talk about their past experiences, some of which have been quite traumatic to someone whom they barely know. What begins as a casual conversation about hobbies or travel can suddenly turn into a detailed account of losing a loved one, a painful custody battle, years of struggling with low self-esteem, a painful custody battle, or the heartbreak of being cheated on in a previous relationship.

While this openness often comes from a sincere desire to build a meaningful connection, sharing such deeply personal experiences too soon can leave the other person feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Healthy intimacy develops step by step, as trust grows naturally over time.

2. You Expect Instant Emotional Reciprocity

Another common sign of floodlighting is expecting instant emotional reciprocity. After disclosing deeply personal experiences, you may unconsciously hope that your date will respond by sharing their own deeply personal experiences.

But, much to your disappointment, your date may not want to share such similar experiences with you. When one person shares too much too soon, it can create pressure, discomfort, and even a misleading sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had the chance to develop.

3. The Intimacy Illusion

When someone opens up about their deepest fears, past wounds, or personal struggles too early, it can create the illusion of a bond that is stronger than it really is. That emotional intensity often makes both people feel unusually close in a short span of time, even though genuine trust and intimacy usually develop gradually through shared experiences, consistency, and time.

Why do People Floodlight?

1. Acceptance Before Trust

At its heart, floodlighting is often driven by the fear of being rejected later. Some people feel that if they reveal everything about themselves right away, they’ll know whether the relationship has a future. But meaningful connections aren’t built through emotional speed. They grow through shared experiences, mutual trust, and the comfort of opening up a little more with time.

2. Beyond First Impressions

For many, sharing deeply personal stories early on feels like the quickest way to build a strong connection. But emotional closeness doesn’t happen simply because two people reveal their vulnerabilities. It grows slowly, through trust, consistency and getting to know each other over time. In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to believe you’ve found someone completely safe, only to realise later that you opened your heart before the relationship had a chance to prove itself.

3. Vulnerability as Control

For some, opening up too quickly isn’t just about honesty—it’s also a way of feeling safer. By laying their deepest fears, past hurts or personal struggles on the table right away, they believe they’re staying one step ahead of possible rejection.

It’s almost as if they’re saying, “I’d rather tell you everything myself than have you find out later and judge me for it.” Strangely, what looks like vulnerability is often an attempt to stay in control of the relationship and shield themselves from emotional pain.

The Risks Involved

• Creates a false sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had time to develop.
• Can overwhelm the other person, making them feel emotionally burdened or suffocated.
• May pressure the other person to share personal details before they are ready.
• Increases the likelihood of disappointment when the initial emotional intensity fades.
• Can trigger anxiety and insecurity if the expected level of closeness is not reciprocated.
• Leaves the person oversharing more vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation by someone with unhealthy intentions.
• May create an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner becomes the constant emotional caregiver and the other is seen as emotionally dependent.
• Can make the relationship feel unbalanced, with emotional investment developing at different speeds for each person.
• May lead the other person to withdraw or pull away instead of feeling closer.
• Can prevent a relationship from developing naturally, as emotional vulnerability is rushed rather than built gradually through mutual trust and shared experiences.

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. In fact, it is what brings two people closer. But like trust, vulnerability needs time. You don’t have to tell your whole story in the first few dates. Let people earn your trust, and let the relationship grow at its own pace. That’s how lasting connections are built.

Communication is often described as the foundation of a healthy relationship. Couples are encouraged to talk openly, express their feelings, and discuss concerns before they become larger problems. While effective communication is essential, there is a lesser-known reality that many people overlook: too much communication can sometimes become counterproductive.

When every emotion, thought, concern, or insecurity is constantly discussed, relationships can become emotionally exhausting rather than emotionally connected. In some situations, overcommunication can increase misunderstandings, intensify conflicts, and create unnecessary stress for both partners, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is an experienced marriage counsellor in Delhi.

Can Too Much Communication Harm a Relationship?

Communication is beneficial when it promotes understanding and connection. However, when partners repeatedly analyze every interaction, revisit resolved issues, or constantly seek reassurance, conversations can become overwhelming. Instead of fostering closeness, excessive discussion may lead to emotional fatigue, frustration, and tension.

Healthy relationships require both communication and emotional space to process thoughts, emotions, and experiences independently.

Couples counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says that “Communication strengthens relationships, but when every thought becomes a discussion and every feeling becomes a debate, connection can give way to conflict.”

The Difference Between Healthy Communication and Overcommunication

Healthy communication focuses on expressing needs, resolving concerns, and building mutual understanding. Overcommunication occurs when conversations become repetitive, excessive, or driven by anxiety rather than genuine problem-solving.

Repeatedly discussing the same issue without reaching a resolution can leave both partners feeling unheard, even when they have spent hours talking about it.

How Constant Discussions Can Escalate Conflict?

Not every disagreement requires immediate or prolonged discussion. Sometimes emotions need time to settle before productive conversations can take place. When partners continuously revisit sensitive topics, small disagreements can evolve into larger conflicts.

The pressure to discuss every concern immediately may increase defensiveness and make constructive resolution more difficult.

Emotional Exhaustion from Continuous Processing

Relationships thrive when partners feel emotionally safe and supported. However, constant emotional processing can become draining. When one or both partners feel obligated to repeatedly explain, justify, or analyze their feelings, conversations may start to feel like obligations rather than opportunities for connection.

Over time, this emotional exhaustion can reduce relationship satisfaction and increase stress.

The Role of Personal Space in Emotional Well-Being

Healthy relationships balance togetherness with individuality. Personal reflection allows individuals to understand their emotions before sharing them with a partner.

Taking time to think, calm down, or gain perspective often leads to more meaningful and productive conversations. Emotional space should not be mistaken for avoidance; rather, it can be an important tool for maintaining emotional balance.

When Reassurance Becomes a Source of Stress?

Seeking reassurance is natural, especially during challenging periods in a relationship. However, excessive reassurance-seeking can unintentionally create pressure on a partner.

Constantly asking for validation may shift conversations away from genuine connection and toward managing anxiety. Developing self-confidence and emotional security alongside relationship support can help create healthier communication patterns.

Building a Balanced Communication Style

Strong relationships are not built on constant conversation but on effective conversation. Partners benefit from discussing important matters honestly while also recognizing when an issue has been adequately addressed. Listening, respecting boundaries, allowing emotions to settle, and focusing on solutions rather than endless analysis can help maintain a healthier balance.

Communication remains one of the most important elements of a successful relationship, but more communication is not always better communication. When conversations become excessive, repetitive, or driven by anxiety, they can contribute to conflict and emotional stress rather than resolution.

By balancing openness with personal space, couples can create healthier interactions that strengthen connection without overwhelming the relationship.

A house looks beautiful not merely because it has been designed artistically. Its true beauty lies in what exists within its walls. No matter how grand the architecture may be or how elegant its décor, a house can only become a home when it is filled with warmth, love, respect, and a sense of belonging. Our relationships are also somewhat similar.

The few key ingredients of a healthy relationship such as trust, respect, honesty, communication, and kindness should be nurtured with love. But, even if you feel that your relationship is perfect and happy, there may be a few red flags that you probably have missed. Eminent marriage counsellor, relationship expert in India, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the Key Red Flags in a Perfect Happy Relationship That Often Goes Unnoticed.

What Makes a “Perfect” Relationship Turn Sour?

A relationship can look flawlessly curated to the outside world while slowly fracturing from within. The most dangerous threats to a couple’s happiness are not explosive arguments, but the quiet, incremental erosion of safety and trust. When core foundational values like mutual respect and transparent communication begin to fade, they are replaced by subtle toxic habits. These behaviors gradually build emotional walls, turning what once felt like a secure sanctuary into a hollow, disconnected space.

Couples therapist, Shivani Misri Sadhoo says, that “A relationship is like a home; its true beauty is not how perfect it looks from the outside, but whether it provides warmth, safety, and honesty within its walls.”

1. Taken For Granted

Sometimes, life can be really hectic. One may forget wishing their partner on their special occasions like a birthday or an anniversary, or perhaps the day they never used to forget—’the day they met’. And, it could all be due to the countless deadlines, important meetings and conferences, or family responsibilities.

But, when that forgetfulness becomes a recurring pattern, it can be considered as a red flag. It simply shows that your partner does not really bother about your feelings and is probably taking you for granted. With time, this quiet indifference can create an emotional distance, even in a relationship that otherwise looks happy and perfect.

2. They Don’t Respect You

Respect is one of those key ingredients of a happy and beautiful relationship. There is no compromise when it comes to feeling valued, heard, and acknowledged by the person you love. The fact that you exist should be reason enough for your partner to treat you with kindness, consideration, and dignity.

You should never have to fight for basic respect or constantly prove your worth. The moment you start feeling disrespected, unheard, or find yourself being in a situation where your opinions are not given importance, it is a prominent red flag that irrespective of how perfect your relationship might look from outside, there is something seriously wrong somewhere. And, the more you ignore, the worse it becomes.

3. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is yet another red flag that often goes unnoticed in an otherwise seemingly happy and a picture-perfect relationship. If you are wondering what Stonewalling is, then it simply means emotionally shutting down and refusing to communicate or engage when a difficult conversation or conflict arises.

Instead of trying to communicate, one partner may withdraw completely, give the cold shoulder, avoid eye contact, offer one-word replies, or suddenly find ways to distract themselves from the discussion. While it may appear harmless on the surface, stonewalling creates emotional distance, leaving the other person feeling disconnected.

4. You’re Uncomfortable Around Your Partner

When you are in a relationship, it is expected that you would share your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and even the little details of your day with your partner. A relationship can be called healthy when both the partners are on the same page. They happily share things, moments, laughter, and never feel uncomfortable around each other.

 However, if you find yourself holding back, avoiding certain conversations or constantly worrying about how your partner might react, it is worth paying attention to. The fear of being judged, criticised, dismissed, or misunderstood can slowly create emotional distance.

Over a period of time, this hesitation stands as a barrier between two people, preventing honest communication and emotional intimacy from flourishing. What begins as occasional self-censorship can gradually turn into a habit of suppressing thoughts, feelings, and concerns. 

5. Too Secretive

Is your partner hiding too many things from you? Are they being too secretive? Earlier, you knew each other’s phone passwords. But, now you don’t! The password has been suddenly changed and you are left in dark.

Now, this is often the temperament of someone who is not really comfortable being transparent about their actions. Of course, every individual requires their personal space. Not every thought, or conversation, needs to be shared with a partner. Sometimes people keep things to themselves simply because they don’t want to be the reason for your tension.

 But, when your partner starts hiding almost every matter from you, then it is definitely a red flag in your seemingly perfect and happy relationship. Honesty is not about seeking permission; it is about building trust. If meeting an old school friend who was once your first crush is truly no big deal, then why hide it? If spending an evening at a newly opened pub, exchanging messages with an ex, deleting chats, or withholding details about frequent conversations with a particular person feels harmless, then why keep it a secret?

When such small omissions become a habit, they slowly erode trust, and over time a partner begins to wonder not just about what is being hidden, but why it is being hidden in the first place. That quiet erosion of trust is what makes secrecy such an often-overlooked red flag.

6. When Apologies Don’t Mean Anything

You know that you made a mistake. You say ‘Sorry’. You assure your partner that it won’t happen again and promise that you’ll be more mindful in the future. But then, after a few days, you make another mistake and this time too, you say sorry to your partner. But, when this becomes a pattern, the apology sounds hollow.

Those 3 words, “I am Sorry” had no significance at all. Genuine remorse is reflected not just in words, but in changed actions. If someone repeatedly hurts their partner in the same way despite repeated apologies, it is certainly a red flag that often goes unnoticed in otherwise happy relationships.

These red flags are often subtle and easy to overlook because they rarely appear as dramatic warning signs. Instead, they quietly slip into everyday interactions and gradually become part of the relationship.

A healthy relationship is always built on trust, mutual respect, honesty, candid communication, and emotional safety. When you begin to feel emotionally distant, taken for granted, disrespected, stonewalled, uncomfortable and hesitant around your partner and feel their repeated apologies are not genuine, and that they are too secretive, it is high time you think seriously about your relationship. Even if it appears to be perfect from outside, there is something wrong internally. 

Transitioning from online conversations to an in-person meeting can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. To ensure your first date is memorable for all the right reasons, relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadho at Saarthi Counselling Services outline practical, culturally relevant safety protocols—from choosing the right public venue in India to setting clear boundary communication—designed to keep young Indian couples safe and confident.

How many times has your heart skipped a beat at the prospect of meeting someone new on a date? Those butterflies in your stomach, the anticipation of a meaningful conversation, and the possibility of a genuine connection can make the experience truly exhilarating. Nowadays, with technology at your disposal, finding a new date is just a click away.

However, with convenience and speed come a few inherent risks. While the idea of meeting someone new could be exciting, not everyone we meet has honest intentions. So, it is important to be careful before we meet someone new. Our personal safety should never be compromised.

Eminent couples therapist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few dating tips to ensure the safety of Indian couples who are just starting to date.

Shivani Sadhoo adds that “The excitement of meeting someone new should never come at the cost of your safety. A meaningful relationship begins not just with attraction and trust, but with awareness, healthy boundaries, and the wisdom to protect yourself while opening your heart to new possibilities.”

Safety Tips Every Indian Couple Must Follow While Dating Someone New

1. Choose a Public Place

First and foremost, never agree to meet your prospective date at a secluded spot, far away from the public eye. No matter how romantic it might sound to meet in a deserted park or behind some old building, it is always wiser to choose a location that is crowded with people. In case of an uncomfortable situation, you can easily leave without any hesitation or problem. You know that you are in a safe place.

2. Always Verify Before You Meet

Yes. This is another important point to keep in mind when you are meeting someone new. Always verify before you plan for a formal date. This becomes even more important when you have connected with the person online and are planning to meet them offline for the first time. Many times, the person you’ve interacted with online could be a completely different person.

Nowadays, anything and everything is possible with the help of technology. The entire profile of the person could be imaginary. Hence, some kind of background verification must be done before you meet the new person. It could be a quick video call or a check through mutual friends, a look at their social media activity, something that would give you some peace of mind. After all, trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

3. Inform Your Near and Dear Ones About Your Plan

You may be an independent person and do not like to involve others, even your family members in your personal affairs. However, there are times when safety must take precedence over privacy. Thus, before going on a date with someone new, it is always wise to keep your close friends or family members informed about your plans. Let them know where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you are planning to return.

Share any other alternate contact number you have with them so that they can reach out to you when needed. Think of it as your personal safety net. This is even more important in our country, where online dating scams, identity fraud, harassment, and personal safety concerns are reported far too frequently. Being cautious does not make you fearful. It simply means you are being sensible while giving yourself the freedom to enjoy a new connection with greater confidence and peace of mind.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Another way of staying safe before you meet someone new for your date is to set a few boundaries from the very beginning. It may sound very mechanical, but it is perhaps one of the smartest things you can do for your safety. We often get carried away when we like someone and end up ignoring our own comfort levels. Therefore, it is important to decide in advance what you are comfortable with and what you are not. It could be something as simple as sharing your personal details or accepting a late-night movie plan.

Having clear boundaries helps you stay in control of the situation and prevents you from making impulsive decisions under pressure. Moreover, it allows you to understand the other person’s intentions. Someone who genuinely respects and values you will respect your limits too. At the end of the day, a good date should make you feel comfortable, secure, happy, respected, and happy. It should be a pleasant experience.

5. Say NO to Hard Drinks/Cocktails

When you meet someone for the first time on a date, it is best to avoid hard drinks. While a glass of wine or a cocktail may seem harmless, alcohol can cloud your judgment, lower your inhibitions, and make it difficult to assess a new person or situation with clarity. Staying sober helps you to remain alert and present in the moment and make informed decisions, recognise any red flags, and ensure that your first meeting remains safe, comfortable, and enjoyable.

6. Avoid Accepting Rides from the New Person

Avoid accepting rides from the person you have just met on your date. The reason is simple: you still do not know them well enough to fully trust their intentions. It is always wiser to arrange your own transportation to and from the venue, especially when you are meeting the person for the first time. This not only helps you to maintain your dignity, but also gives you the freedom to leave early if the date turns out to be unpleasant.

7. Your Instinct Matters

It may be hard to believe, but it is true that human intuition is important. If something feels off, don’t brush that feeling aside. Give it a good thought. Sometimes, it could be just the way they look at you or say something that makes you feel uncomfortable; a feeling that you can’t really explain. Shivani Misri Sadhoo strongly feels that trusting your instincts can save you from many unpleasant and potentially risky situations.