Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

We often think attractiveness is about looks, style, or physical features—but true attractiveness goes much deeper than that. It’s not just about how someone looks, but about how they make others feel. Some people seem to have a magnetic charm that draws others toward them effortlessly. You can sense their energy in the way they talk, listen, and carry themselves. The secret lies not in appearance, but in habits—the small, consistent actions that reflect inner confidence, kindness, and authenticity.

Which 5 Habits Make People Instantly Attractive to Others?

Here are five amazing habits that make people naturally attractive and deeply admired by others as explained by Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is one of the most experienced couples and relationship counselors in India.

1. They Radiate Positivity

Attractive people are not those who have perfect lives—but those who maintain a positive attitude, even when things don’t go their way. Their optimism is contagious. They focus on solutions, not problems, and find silver linings even in challenges.

When you’re around someone who exudes positivity, you feel lighter, more hopeful, and more at peace. That’s because positivity shifts energy—it turns ordinary moments into uplifting ones. Whether it’s greeting others with a smile, showing gratitude, or encouraging people during tough times, their attitude becomes a source of warmth and comfort.

A positive mindset doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine—it means believing in possibilities. People who embody this habit inspire others to do the same, which makes them irresistibly magnetic.

2. They Truly Listen and Make Others Feel Heard

One of the most underrated yet powerful habits is active listening. We live in a world where most people listen to reply, not to understand. But attractive individuals do the opposite—they listen with genuine attention. They make eye contact, nod, ask thoughtful questions, and remember details.

When you talk to them, you feel seen, valued, and respected. They don’t interrupt or dominate the conversation; they let you express yourself freely. That’s why people naturally open up to them—they create a safe emotional space.

This habit signals emotional intelligence and empathy—qualities that build trust and deepen connections. Being a good listener isn’t just polite; it’s profoundly attractive because it shows you care about others more than your own ego.

3. They Carry Themselves with Confidence, Not Arrogance

Confidence is one of the most universally attractive traits—but it’s important to understand that true confidence is quiet. It doesn’t demand attention; it attracts it naturally.

People with genuine confidence are comfortable in their own skin. They don’t try to prove their worth to others, nor do they need validation to feel good about themselves. They know their strengths, accept their flaws, and stay grounded.

Unlike arrogance, which pushes people away, real confidence invites respect. It’s reflected in posture, eye contact, tone, and how they treat others. When someone walks into a room with calm assurance and humility, they instantly stand out—not because they’re loud, but because they’re secure.

4. They Show Kindness Without Expecting Anything in Return

There’s something deeply beautiful about people who are kind—not because they want recognition, but because it’s simply who they are. Kindness has a way of leaving a lasting impression. It could be as simple as holding the door open, offering help without being asked, or speaking with compassion instead of judgment.

Truly attractive people see others as human beings, not as means to an end. They treat everyone with respect—whether it’s a colleague, waiter, or stranger. Their kindness makes them approachable and trustworthy.

Research even shows that kindness activates a “warm glow” in both the giver and receiver, fostering emotional connection. People remember how you make them feel—and kindness ensures they remember you fondly.

5. They Are Authentic and Comfortable Being Themselves

In a world obsessed with filters, perfection, and social approval, authenticity stands out like a breath of fresh air. Attractive people don’t pretend to be someone else—they embrace their uniqueness. They speak honestly, express their opinions with respect, and aren’t afraid to show vulnerability.

Authenticity creates connection because it signals realness. When someone is unapologetically themselves, it gives others permission to be real too. That kind of honesty builds trust faster than any charm or pretense ever could.

Being authentic also means having the courage to say “no” when needed, and standing by your values even when it’s inconvenient. That quiet integrity makes such people truly admirable.

True attractiveness isn’t about appearance—it’s about energy, attitude, and empathy. The most magnetic people are those who uplift others, listen deeply, live confidently, show kindness, and remain genuine.

When you cultivate these five habits, you don’t just become more attractive—you become more alive. People will be drawn to your authenticity, your warmth, and your positive presence. And that kind of beauty never fades.

In any healthy relationship—whether romantic, familial, or friendship—boundaries play a crucial role in maintaining mutual respect and emotional safety. Without boundaries, even the strongest relationships can become strained, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, or burnout. Boundaries are not walls that keep people out—they are guidelines that define how we want to be treated and how we treat others, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is India’s top couples and marriage counselor in this blog.

What Do Boundaries in a Relationship Refer To?

Boundaries in a relationship refer to the limits and expectations that partners set to protect their emotional, physical, and mental well-being. They define what is acceptable and what isn’t in terms of behavior, communication, and personal space. Boundaries ensure that both individuals feel respected, valued, and safe, preventing one person from overpowering or neglecting the other.

For example, setting boundaries might mean communicating honestly about personal needs, maintaining privacy, saying “no” without guilt, or ensuring equal effort in emotional or physical intimacy. They create balance—allowing closeness without losing individuality.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship?

Know Yourself First
Understand your values, comfort zones, and emotional triggers. You can’t set boundaries if you don’t know what you need to feel secure and respected.

Communicate Clearly and Calmly
Express your boundaries openly and respectfully. Instead of blaming or accusing, use “I” statements like “I feel uncomfortable when…” or “I need some alone time to recharge.”

Be Consistent
Once you set a boundary, maintain it. Inconsistency can confuse your partner and weaken the respect for your limits.

Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries Too
Boundaries are mutual. Just as you expect your limits to be respected, you should honor your partner’s as well. Listen and adjust when needed.

Don’t Feel Guilty About Setting Limits
Healthy boundaries don’t make you selfish—they make you emotionally mature. They show you value yourself and your relationship enough to keep it balanced.

Boundaries are the foundation of trust and respect in every relationship. They help both partners grow individually while nurturing their bond together. Without them, love can quickly turn into control, dependency, or emotional exhaustion. Setting boundaries is not about distance—it’s about creating the right space where love, respect, and understanding can thrive.

In recent years, a new kind of social and romantic trend has been quietly taking over parks, gyms, and recreational centres — Pickleball Dating. What started as a fun, friendly sport for all ages has now evolved into an unexpected matchmaking hotspot. From singles meetups on the court to dating apps adding “Pickleball” as an interest filter, this sporty new way to connect is becoming a favourite among people looking for love — or at least some lively competition, says leading couples therapist and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Is Pickleball Dating?

Pickleball dating combines the sport of pickleball with the social experience of meeting potential partners. It’s not just about scoring points; it’s about finding chemistry — both on and off the court.

Pickleball itself is a paddle sport that blends elements of tennis, badminton, and ping pong. It’s easy to learn, fun to play, and perfect for group or doubles matches — which makes it naturally social. Because of its friendly pace and interactive setup, it encourages conversation, teamwork, and laughter — all key ingredients for forming connections.

In pickleball dating events, singles are paired up in matches or rotated across different partners, allowing them to meet multiple people in a relaxed, non-pressured setting. Think of it as “speed dating meets recreational sport” — where compatibility is tested through playful rallies instead of awkward small talk.

Why Is Pickleball Dating Trending?

There are several reasons why pickleball dating has become one of the most talked-about modern dating trends:

1. It’s Active and Fun
People today are looking for experiences that go beyond sitting in a café or swiping endlessly on dating apps. Pickleball offers a refreshing change — it gets people moving, laughing, and enjoying the moment. The shared physical activity makes it easier to break the ice and show your authentic self.

2. It’s Social and Inclusive
Pickleball is known for being one of the most inclusive sports — suitable for all ages and fitness levels. That makes it ideal for singles in their 20s, 40s, or even 60s. Unlike some sports that can feel competitive or intimidating, pickleball is lighthearted and community-driven, creating the perfect atmosphere for socializing and forming connections.

3. Post-Pandemic Shift Toward Real Connections
After years of online-only interactions, people are craving genuine, face-to-face connections. Pickleball dating events provide that — a way to meet others in person, bond through shared activity, and avoid the digital fatigue that comes with dating apps.

4. Shared Interests Build Stronger Bonds
When you meet someone who enjoys the same hobby, the connection feels natural. Pickleball dating gives singles a common ground — literally and figuratively — from the very first serve. It’s an instant icebreaker that fosters teamwork, communication, and friendly competition.

5. Celebrities and Media Influence
Pickleball’s popularity has skyrocketed thanks to celebrity endorsements and media coverage. Famous figures like Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen DeGeneres, and the Kardashians have been spotted playing, bringing the sport — and its dating potential — into the mainstream.

The Bigger Picture: Why Pickleball Dating Works

Beyond being a trend, pickleball dating reflects a broader shift in how people approach relationships. Modern singles are prioritizing shared experiences, health, and emotional compatibility over superficial dating norms. Playing pickleball together reveals personality traits — teamwork, patience, humor — that can’t be seen through a screen.

It also reduces the awkwardness that comes with traditional dating. The focus on fun and movement makes it easier to let your guard down. Even if you don’t find romance, you walk away with new friends and a good workout — a win-win situation.

Pickleball dating is more than a passing fad — it’s a sign of how people are redefining connection in today’s world. It’s about mixing sport, laughter, and a little bit of flirtation in a space where everyone feels welcome.

Whether you’re new to the dating scene or just looking for a fresh way to meet people, picking up a paddle might be your next best move. After all, love — like pickleball — is about finding the right rhythm, playing fair, and enjoying the game together.

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head and cringed at what you said? Or remembered an awkward moment and felt your cheeks burn? These experiences are common, but the feelings behind them vary. At times, we simply feel embarrassed. Other times, we feel guilty about something we did. But when the discomfort goes deeper and touches our very sense of worth, that is shame.

While guilt says “I did something bad,” shame whispers “I am bad.” And unlike embarrassment or guilt, shame is more damaging if left unchecked. Eminent psychologist and marriage counsellor in India, Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains that learning how to deal with shame is vital for mental health, self-confidence, and healthy relationships.

What is Shame?

Shame is the uncomfortable belief that you are flawed, unworthy, or “not good enough.” It often arises after mistakes, criticism, or rejection. For example, forgetting a partner’s birthday may cause temporary guilt, but if you start believing that this makes you careless or unlovable, the heavy, sinking emotion you feel is shame.

Psychologists distinguish between two types of shame—healthy and toxic. Healthy shame is temporary and acts as a signal that you have fallen short of your values, motivating you to correct your actions and do better. Toxic shame, on the other hand, runs much deeper. Instead of being tied to a single mistake, it becomes part of your identity, making you feel permanently flawed and unworthy. If left unchecked, this type of shame can undermine your confidence, weaken relationships, and even affect physical and emotional well-being.

Why Shame Hurts More Than Guilt or Embarrassment?

Embarrassment usually comes from awkwardness in social situations, such as forgetting someone’s name or tripping in public. Guilt is connected to specific actions, like missing a deadline or breaking a promise. Shame, however, is different because it attacks identity itself, convincing you that you are fundamentally wrong as a person.

When mistakes become linked to self-worth, the emotional weight of shame intensifies. People often respond by avoiding others, striving for perfection, or isolating themselves. Over time, shame can fuel deeper struggles such as anxiety, depression, and a lack of trust in relationships, making it far more destructive than guilt or embarrassment.

How to Deal with Shame in Life?

You should try the following ways to deal with shame:

1. Recognize and Acknowledge Shame

The first step in overcoming shame is awareness. Pay attention to situations that trigger defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal—these often mask shame. Notice how it feels in your body: heaviness, a desire to hide, or discomfort in social situations. Journaling these moments can help reveal patterns. Awareness shifts shame from something unconscious to something you can actively work on.

2. Understand the Root Causes

Shame often has roots in childhood experiences, social pressures, or repeated criticism. Growing up in an environment where love or acceptance was conditional can create lasting feelings of inadequacy. Similarly, struggles with identity, finances, or academic performance may contribute. Recognizing that much of this shame is inherited—not chosen—can ease the burden. You are not defined by past judgments or circumstances.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the antidote to shame. Instead of harsh self-criticism, treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend. When shame arises, pause and ask: What would I say to someone I love if they felt this way? This shift helps you move from judgment to understanding. Even if it feels unnatural at first, practicing small acts of self-kindness—like gentle self-talk or taking breaks when overwhelmed—builds resilience over time.

4. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Shame often thrives on distorted thinking such as “I don’t belong” or “I will fail.” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques encourage questioning these thoughts:

• What evidence supports this belief?
• What evidence challenges it?
• How would I view this situation if it happened to someone else?

Replacing absolute, negative beliefs with balanced perspectives reduces shame’s power.

5. Build Supportive Connections

Shame pushes people to hide, but connection is the cure. Talking to trusted friends, partners, or mentors can normalize your struggles. Often, you will discover others have faced similar feelings. Vulnerability in safe relationships breaks shame’s cycle of secrecy and self-isolation.

6. Seek Professional Guidance

Sometimes shame is deeply rooted and hard to manage alone. In such cases, working with a therapist is invaluable. A trained professional provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore emotions, uncover root causes, and develop healthier coping strategies. Approaches like CBT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) help reframe negative thought patterns and rebuild self-worth.

Living Beyond Shame

Shame is universal—everyone experiences it at some point. But it does not have to define you. By recognizing its presence, understanding where it comes from, treating yourself with compassion, and seeking help when necessary, you can loosen shame’s grip.

As psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo emphasizes, dealing with shame is not about erasing mistakes but about refusing to equate them with your identity. With awareness, kindness, and courage, you can step out from shame’s shadow and live with greater confidence, peace, and self-acceptance.

Marriage is a journey full of growth, discovery, and sometimes challenges that test the bond between two people. While every relationship is unique, most marriages tend to go through recognisable stages. Understanding these phases can help couples navigate difficulties, strengthen their connection, and set realistic expectations, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert and one of the top marriage counsellors in Delhi and India.

Questions You Might Ask

1. Why do couples often face the most difficulties in the early years of marriage?

Many challenges emerge as couples move beyond the initial excitement of marriage into the realities of everyday life. Differences in habits, communication styles, and expectations can surface, often leading to conflict if not addressed consciously.

2. Can a marriage survive Stage 3, the Power Struggle?

Yes. Stage 3 can feel intense, but with open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to grow, couples can emerge stronger. It’s less about avoiding conflict and more about learning to navigate it together.

6 Stages of Marriage, as explained by couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo

Stage 1: The Honeymoon Phase

This is the period of excitement and idealisation. Everything feels new and thrilling, and couples often overlook imperfections as they focus on love and connection.

Stage 2: Reality Sets In

As the initial excitement fades, differences between partners become more apparent. Habits, routines, and even quirks that were previously endearing can now feel challenging.

Stage 3: The Power Struggle

Often called the toughest stage, this is when conflicts and disagreements become more frequent. Couples question whether the marriage will last and confront unresolved personal or relational issues. The emotional intensity can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a stage that provides the opportunity to build resilience and a deeper understanding if navigated consciously.

Stage 4: Rebuilding and Acceptance

After working through conflicts, couples start to regain trust and understanding. Acceptance of each other’s differences and the ability to compromise strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

Stage 5: Deep Connection

By this stage, couples often feel a profound emotional and spiritual bond. They communicate more effectively, support each other’s growth, and share a sense of partnership that goes beyond surface-level romance.

Stage 6: Legacy and Purpose

Here, couples focus on building something bigger than themselves, whether it’s family, community, or shared goals. There’s a sense of fulfilment in contributing together and leaving a lasting impact.

Identifying Your Stage

Recognising which phase your marriage is in can help you manage expectations, enhance communication, and approach challenges more intentionally. If you find yourself in Stage 3, remember that feeling tested doesn’t mean failure—it’s an opportunity for growth.

Strategies to navigate Stage 3 include:

• Seeking couples therapy or professional guidance
• Reconnecting emotionally and fostering intimacy
• Prioritising personal growth alongside relational growth
• Learning constructive conflict resolution techniques

Marriage isn’t a final destination but an ongoing journey. Each stage has its purpose, and even the toughest periods, like Stage 3, can strengthen the bond between partners when approached with patience and commitment.

For years, relationships were measured by an unattainable ideal of perfection. Social media, movies, and glossy magazines painted pictures of flawless couples—always smiling, never fighting, and seemingly living a fairy-tale life. This pursuit of perfection has often left people feeling inadequate, disconnected, or pressured to perform rather than simply be themselves. But things are changing.

In today’s world, authenticity is fast becoming more attractive than perfection. People are craving sincerity, vulnerability, and genuine connection over carefully curated images. Love that feels real is winning over love that merely looks perfect, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is a top couples therapist and one of the best marriage counsellors in Delhi and India.

Perfection Is Unrelatable

Nobody is perfect. We all carry quirks, insecurities, and struggles. When someone tries too hard to appear flawless, it can make them seem unapproachable or even inauthentic. Real life is messy, and people resonate more with imperfection because it mirrors their own reality. Showing flaws signals that you are human, just like everyone else, and makes space for true understanding.

Authenticity Builds Trust

Acting perfect often comes across as performative, as though there is something to hide. Authenticity, on the other hand, builds trust. When you are honest about mistakes or imperfections, it reassures your partner that you are genuine, which makes them feel safe and comfortable. Trust becomes the foundation on which lasting relationships are built.

Flaws Make You Unique

Conforming to society’s version of “perfect” often strips away individuality. Your imperfections are what make you memorable and different. A quirky laugh, a love for something unusual, or even awkward moments—these are the qualities that stand out and make someone fall in love with the real you. Rather than erasing flaws, embracing them adds depth and charm to your personality.

Vulnerability Invites Connection

True intimacy doesn’t come from polished perfection; it comes from vulnerability. When you are willing to admit your fears, struggles, or insecurities, you invite others to open up too. This creates a safe space for empathy and deeper connection. Vulnerability may feel uncomfortable at first, but it is often the bridge to emotional closeness.

The Illusion of Perfection Is Exhausting

Maintaining a façade of perfection demands constant energy, and it quickly becomes draining. The effort to always appear flawless leads to stress and even burnout. Authenticity, by contrast, is freeing. People are drawn to those who are comfortable in their own skin because it feels natural and effortless. Letting go of the pressure to be perfect not only brings relief but also makes relationships more sustainable.

Imperfection Fuels Growth

If perfection were possible, there would be no room for growth or self-improvement. Acknowledging flaws shows humility and self-awareness, both of which are highly attractive traits. When couples accept imperfection, they approach mistakes as opportunities to learn and evolve together rather than as failures to be hidden. Growth then becomes a shared journey, adding strength to the bond.

Sincerity Is Magnetic

Sincerity is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. People can sense when someone is being real and when they are performing. Acting perfectly often feels rehearsed, while sincerity is refreshing. It builds respect and warmth, allowing relationships to develop in a genuine way. This magnetism of sincerity draws people closer because it feels authentic and reliable.

Flaws Create Stories Worth Sharing

Some of the most memorable and meaningful stories come from imperfections, missteps, or unexpected turns. When people hide their flaws, they also hide these rich experiences. Imperfections bring humor, relatability, and depth to relationships. The shared laughter over awkward moments or lessons learned from failures often become the cherished stories couples carry for years.

Why Authenticity Wins in Relationships?

According to leading relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, when both partners embrace authenticity, relationships become stronger and more resilient. Trust grows because there is nothing to hide. Emotional intimacy deepens because both feel accepted as they are. Resilience develops because imperfections are not feared but faced together. Ultimately, authenticity creates the freedom to be yourself without judgment, to love without conditions, and to grow without pretending.

Conclusion: Imperfection Is Your Superpower

Perfection may appear appealing at first glance, but it is isolating and unsustainable. Authenticity nurtures trust, connection, and joy. Your quirks, flaws, and raw moments are not weaknesses—they are what make you human and lovable. In today’s world, being real has become far more magnetic than chasing perfection.

Authenticity is not just attractive; it is the foundation of love that lasts. By celebrating imperfections, sharing your stories, and embracing vulnerability, you open the door to deeper and more meaningful connections. Being flawed and sincere is not a limitation—it is your greatest strength.

Relationships are rarely perfect. Every couple experiences phases of closeness and distance, highs and lows. Yet, it’s often the little things—a warm hug, holding hands, or a gentle touch on the shoulder—that strengthen emotional bonds. Human touch plays a far more powerful role than many realize, promoting happiness, trust, and emotional security. Simple gestures like caresses, back rubs, or embraces release oxytocin, reducing stress and deepening connections.

When touch is absent for too long, a condition known as touch starvation can develop, creating feelings of isolation and distress. Recognizing its signs and learning ways to reconnect physically and emotionally is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of India’s top couples and marriage counselors.

Understanding Touch Starvation

Touch starvation, sometimes called “skin hunger,” occurs when the body goes without nurturing physical contact. The skin’s nerves and pressure receptors respond to touch, triggering the release of “feel-good” chemicals like oxytocin. Without it, the nervous system can become restless, increasing stress and loneliness. Over time, prolonged absence of touch can impact both emotional and psychological well-being.

Why Does Physical Touch Matter?

Humans are wired for connection. From birth, gentle touch communicates safety, love, and security. Touch continues to play a vital role throughout life, offering multiple benefits:

• Reduces Stress: Touch lowers cortisol levels, calms the nervous system, and boosts mood-regulating chemicals like dopamine and serotonin.

• Strengthens Emotional Bonds: Hugs and gentle touches release oxytocin, enhancing trust, intimacy, and positive feelings toward others.

• Promotes Physical Health: Regular nurturing touch can improve immunity and lower blood pressure.

• Supports Mental Health: Touch has been shown to ease sadness, reduce anxiety, and lift overall mood.

Even small gestures—such as holding hands, a pat on the back, or a gentle embrace—can make a profound difference.

Signs You May Be Touch-Starved

Feeling disconnected from your partner or loved ones may indicate touch starvation. Common signs include:

• Persistent Loneliness: You may feel isolated even when surrounded by loved ones if physical affection is missing.

• Mood Imbalances: Lack of touch can reduce oxytocin levels, leading to irritability, anxiety, or low mood.

• Heightened Sensitivity: When touch is scarce, even brief physical contact can feel deeply comforting and emotionally significant.

Ways to Overcome Touch Starvation

• Self-Touch and Self-Care – Self-touch, like hugging yourself or placing a hand over your heart, can provide comfort and ease stress. Practicing mindful self-care, extending compassion inward, and treating yourself with kindness are essential parts of addressing touch starvation.

• Communicate with Loved Ones – Openly expressing your need for physical affection with your partner, family, or friends can help bridge the gap. Virtual interactions, such as video calls or heartfelt conversations, can also provide emotional nourishment when in-person contact isn’t possible.

• Alternative Forms of Touch – Engaging in activities that provide tactile stimulation, such as pet therapy, massage, weighted blankets, or using stress-relief objects, can help satisfy the body’s need for touch.

• Appreciate Small Gestures – Daily, simple acts—like sitting close, sharing a gentle touch, or exchanging a meaningful glance—can strengthen intimacy and connection. Even subtle gestures contribute to emotional bonding.

• Reconnect Through Memory – Recalling past moments of affection can reinforce emotional closeness and help the mind feel the warmth of nurturing touch.

Touch is more than physical contact; it is essential emotional nourishment. When absent, it can leave individuals feeling lonely, anxious, and disconnected. However, through self-care, communication, mindfulness, and small acts of connection, touch starvation can be addressed. Rebuilding meaningful physical and emotional closeness helps restore trust, love, and well-being in relationships.

In every relationship, honesty is often described as the cornerstone of trust and intimacy. Couples who value transparency usually feel more connected and secure. Yet the idea of absolute honesty—sharing every thought, feeling, or opinion without filter—raises important questions.

Can complete openness strengthen a relationship, or can it sometimes create more harm than harmony? It’s being explained by relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is the Role of Honesty in Relationships?

Honesty provides the foundation on which trust is built. When partners are truthful, they foster an atmosphere of safety and reliability. Admitting mistakes, acknowledging emotions, and expressing needs openly are all examples of honesty that support healthy bonding, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading couples therapist in India.

However, honesty is more than just stating facts. The intention and manner of communication play a crucial role. Truth spoken with sensitivity can build closeness, while truth expressed harshly or without consideration may cause emotional damage.

The Challenges of Absolute Honesty – While honesty is essential, absolute honesty—sharing every thought without reflection—may not always serve the relationship. Several challenges emerge when honesty is taken to its extreme:

Overwhelming the Partner – Not all thoughts require expression. Passing or impulsive ideas, if shared unnecessarily, may create confusion or hurt without adding value.

Tone and Delivery – A Brutal or blunt truth can feel like criticism. Reframing a statement with empathy can make the same truth easier to hear. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” one could say, “I feel unheard when I talk about my day.”

Maintaining Emotional Safety – Relationships thrive when both partners feel emotionally safe. Absolute honesty, expressed without care, may erode this safety and create distance.

Privacy vs. Secrecy – Every person deserves a degree of privacy. This is not the same as keeping secrets; it is about recognising that not every private thought needs to be shared in order for the relationship to remain healthy.

Striking the Right Balance – The healthiest approach lies in thoughtful honesty, not absolute honesty. This means being genuine while also considering the emotional impact on the partner. Key aspects of balanced honesty include:

• Expressing feelings and needs clearly so that misunderstandings are reduced.
• Communicating with compassion, ensuring the truth is shared with kindness.
• Avoiding unnecessary bluntness, as honesty should build the relationship rather than weaken it.
• Listening with openness, since honesty also involves accepting a partner’s truth with respect.

Absolute honesty is not always beneficial in relationships. What strengthens intimacy and trust is authentic, considerate honesty—the type that is truthful yet compassionate, open yet respectful of emotional safety. Relationships flourish when honesty is practiced in a way that nurtures growth rather than causing harm.

Instead of aiming to share every thought without filter, couples are encouraged to focus on honesty that deepens connection, builds trust, and allows both partners to feel safe being their true selves.

Healthy relationships thrive on communication, understanding, and emotional connection. When partners face conflicts, the way they respond can either strengthen their bond or gradually erode it. One destructive behavior that silently undermines relationships is stonewalling. Though it may seem like a harmless way to avoid confrontation, stonewalling can have long-term emotional consequences and create a toxic cycle between partners, says India’s top couples and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What is Stonewalling in relationships and marriages?

Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from communication, shuts down emotionally, or refuses to engage in resolving issues. Instead of discussing problems or expressing feelings, the stonewalling partner may give the silent treatment, avoid eye contact, or physically leave the room. It is often a defence mechanism against stress, criticism, or emotional discomfort.

However, while it may provide temporary relief for the person stonewalling, it leaves the other partner feeling ignored, rejected, and emotionally abandoned. Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading relationship expert, certified DBT & CBT therapist and one of the top marriage counsellors in Delhi and India, says there are many factors, these are:

Why is Stonewalling Detrimental?

Breaks Emotional Connection
Relationships rely on emotional intimacy and mutual support. When one partner consistently stonewalls, it creates a barrier between them and their partner. Over time, the partner on the receiving end may feel unloved or unimportant, which erodes trust and intimacy. Emotional disconnection often leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and frustration.

Prevents Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but healthy disagreements help partners understand each other better and find solutions. Stonewalling interrupts this process entirely. When one partner refuses to communicate, problems remain unresolved, often escalating tension. This unresolved conflict can fester and eventually create a hostile or distant environment.

Triggers a Negative Cycle
Stonewalling rarely exists in isolation. It can trigger what psychologists call the “demand-withdraw pattern”, where one partner pressures for communication while the other withdraws. This cycle can intensify arguments and create a repeating loop of frustration, blame, and emotional withdrawal. Over time, it can be difficult to break this pattern without conscious effort and counseling.

Impacts Mental Health
Being on the receiving end of stonewalling can have serious psychological effects. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of helplessness. The partner may constantly question their worth or blame themselves for the silence, creating emotional strain that spills over into other areas of life.

Erodes Trust and Security
A relationship’s foundation is built on trust and the assurance that both partners are willing to support and listen to each other. Stonewalling breaks this foundation. When a partner repeatedly shuts down, it signals avoidance rather than a willingness to work through issues. This lack of reliability can make the relationship feel unsafe and unpredictable.

Stonewalling may feel like an easy escape from a difficult conversation, but it is a destructive habit that weakens emotional bonds and prevents resolution. Couples must recognize this behavior early and work on healthier communication strategies, such as expressing feelings openly, practicing empathy, and taking breaks when emotions run high rather than shutting down entirely. By addressing stonewalling proactively, couples can maintain emotional intimacy, strengthen trust, and create a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

In today’s hyper-connected digital age, mobile phones have become personal vaults of communication, memories, and daily routines. Within relationships, this can create tension—especially when one partner feels tempted to check the other’s phone. From a couples therapy standpoint, this behaviour is not just about curiosity or suspicion—it often reflects deeper issues such as insecurity, boundary confusion, or a lack of emotional trust. Understanding the dynamics behind this urge is crucial for nurturing healthy, respectful relationships.

Is it bad to check your partner’s phone or not?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, leading relationship expert and one of the best marriage counsellors in India, shares her views on the topic.

Trust Is the Cornerstone of Intimacy

Relationship therapists consistently highlight that trust forms the foundation of emotional safety between partners. When one partner checks the other’s phone without consent, it may signal a breakdown of that trust. Such actions are less about finding concrete evidence and more about addressing emotional uncertainty or fear of betrayal. Without rebuilding trust through open dialogue, phone-checking can erode the sense of security in the relationship.

Privacy Does Not Equal Deception

Therapeutic models of healthy relationships recognise the importance of individual boundaries, even within close emotional bonds. Each partner is entitled to a sense of personal space—digital or otherwise. Privacy in this context is not synonymous with secrecy; rather, it is a sign of respect for individuality. When partners respect each other’s boundaries, it fosters mutual confidence and emotional maturity.

The Behavior Often Escalates Conflict

Research and clinical observations show that covertly accessing a partner’s phone can create more harm than resolution. Misinterpretations of messages, lack of context, or unexpressed emotions often lead to defensiveness, accusations, and emotional withdrawal. Over time, repeated violations of privacy can create a pattern of distrust, making conflict resolution more difficult and damaging relational stability.

Underlying Issues Must Be Addressed, Not Avoided

Phone-checking is rarely the core problem—it is typically a symptom of deeper relational concerns such as past infidelity, emotional disconnect, or fear of abandonment. Therapy focuses on identifying these root causes and facilitating honest communication. Without addressing these underlying issues, the urge to monitor a partner’s digital behaviour may persist, perpetuating a cycle of mistrust and anxiety.

Open Communication Is the Healthier Alternative

Rather than resorting to surveillance, couples are encouraged to engage in transparent, non-confrontational conversations about their concerns. When both partners feel heard and understood, the need for secretive behaviour diminishes. Establishing shared boundaries, clarifying expectations around digital privacy, and rebuilding emotional trust are all essential steps supported by relationship therapy frameworks.

Checking a partner’s phone without consent is rarely a sign of a healthy relationship. While the impulse may stem from genuine fear or hurt, the act itself often causes greater harm. From a therapeutic perspective, the path to stronger relationships lies not in silent monitoring but in open-hearted communication, emotional safety, and mutual respect for boundaries.